Although sometimes it feels like cross season just ended, in reality I'm halfway through the "off" season of CX. Since CX seems to start in September, I am nearly 4 months away from the start of a new season and I'm wondering what the heck am I going to do?
Am I good enough to go after a dream that only few accomplish?
What's the point of what I am doing, and can I even make this happen?
Woe is me, my life is tough, I know.
It's that time of year where I'm supposed to think about sponsorship for next year, and honestly, I don't even know where to begin. I go up, I go down. I wonder if it's even worth my time to try to go after something that could be so far fetched. I don't even know where to start looking for sponsorship, or how to ask for things I need. I'm at a total loss of what to do. Do I hang up the dream, work more, and stay local and just have fun? Or do I keep pushing forward looking to get challenged by faster, stronger females.
Every time I log onto Facebook I'm reminded of all the Pro's that have sponsorship and literally living their "dream" of racing bikes, and quite frankly it depresses me. A dream shouldn't ever make you feel like crap, a dream should lift you up, make you feel confident, give you butterflies, it should make you smile. A dream should help to push you forward in your adventures and desires, but right now, I feel like it's pulling me back and putting me down.
The industry is growing, but it's shrinking at the same time. Sponsorship is hard to come by, money doesn't grow on trees and race promoters and teams don't have endless supplies of it, but yet the amount of racers is increasing yearly. How much potential do you think slips through the cracks because of this? I think a lot does, because how does one stand out from someone else?
Looking back at last season, if I had to do it again the way I did last year, honestly, I wouldn't. I need people around me, I need support, I need help. Nearly every race I was a wondering around hobo looking for someone to help me. If I learned anything, it was that people are very generous and willing to help, but if you don't ask for it, you wont get it. Do I regret every race and every bit of travel from last year? NO way, I had the time of my life and I wouldn't take it back for anything.
I know my life is really complicated, right?